Tuesday, March 29, 2005
I wish i was invisible.....
I wish i was invisible, people will never understand me... and most people dont even try... i cannot stand that my parents have no reguard for my feelings or anything in my life... but then again, no one does, and im done searching for someone who cares, that person will never come. im cellularly alone. forever. im a loner. you cant change me, so dont try.i hate people, all people, even myself. it makes me sick to my stomach to know that there is such a being that is so self consumed that they can kill other people without any guilt. even if they arent killing people physically, they are killing people emotionally. i need light, i need something real, something who loves me enough to tell me when something isnt right, but loves me enough to not try and change me. let me make my own damn mistakes. stop trying to make me into what you always wanted and never were! im so intoxicated by the things of this world that i cant breathe. SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted at 02:50 pm by Jen
Friday, March 11, 2005
update on my oh so boring life...
Arbys, Arby's, Arby's... yep thats about it...im skilled closing trainer... i close 7 nights a week
5pm-1am shifts on weekdays and 6pm-2:00am shifts on weekends... thats ok though cuz the money is rolling in. :) hopefully by the time i graduate i will have enough money to get my own place and start a life of my own. im sick of waiting on my parents hand and foot, and getting up and following wherever they decide to go... i feel like my entire life floats upon everyone elses schedule, but now, im finally starting to stand up and make people float around mine :) thats lotsa fun. if they want to have me for things they will just have to work around me... so anyways yeah, my evil little munchkin makes me so happy, we talk about anything you could possibly dream up, (the most random being her nephew drinking out of her shoes instead of a cup) furthermore, my boyfriend is a lost cause, i think that im forgotten and no longer in his mind, i never hear from him. though i understand he is busy... he still finds time to call his mother. on other notes, im training this new girl on front line, names misty... LOVE HER TO DEATH! we have the same personality, bubbly and oh so sarcastic. :) first night workin with her last night, and she just tells me how it is. she's soo fun! hmm what else, oh i definately have a new favorite non-alchy beverage (random right) PEACH TEA! yum. very flavorful and tasty...hrm hum de dum... oh new fav band too.. Garbage..rock on... anyone who hasnt heard it should download #1 crush by Garbage... awesomest song in the world! anyways, im off to bathe in the riches of this life... lata! ~~JENNA BEAM~~
Posted at 02:02 pm by Jen
Friday, February 25, 2005
Ok ok im really sorry its been so long, but ive been really busy. just got back from gatlinburg yesterday, Adrian Dupres is the most amazing speaker i have ever heard by far and my heart was broken this week by Jesus Christ. he is real. On the other side of the story, i felt very much left out, like i was a fifth wheel, i used to have this burning desire to go back to fayetteville and go back to harps. now thats gone. i dont think it would ever be the same if i went back. on a further note, the evil little munchkins at work (nicky and linda) are such a blessing, they make me feel so loved :) and wanted and cared for. i belong with them :) anyways, i completely think that someone should have kicked me in the tail a long time ago for sitting in that second chair. its amazing that i never came to that realization before. i pray that God will continue to break me and renovate me each day. anyways, thats about all i have to say... later days .... xoxo Jenna Beam
Posted at 02:02 pm by Jen
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
I have no idea what caused this crash of scenery... but she definately hates me she's been avoiding me now since the christmas party ... and everytime i call she turns off her phone... right... so she randomly shows up at arby's last night with her "brand new 2004 tiburon" and says hey look at my car!... i just stare blankly and say "thats nice" because what im i supposed to do? be all happy?.... well at first i will admit i was happy, very happy that she was there.... but linda let me off early so i could go chill with her for a while, and what does she do? totally blows me off, as soon as i clock out she goes... "ok im leaving, i have things to do" i wanted to scream "YOUR THINGS CAN SHOVE IT I HAVENT SEEN YOU IN TWO WEEKS" instead i sat there in silence... and whispered "later"..like a complete idiot... so i call her, ask her why she hates me, she replies that she doesnt hate me, but i argue that she does because she just compeltely blew me off for the 3rd time in the past month, she screams "IM SORRY I HAVE THINGS TO DO" and all i can think is, Your things will be there tomorrow, our friendship wont, so i let her walk away, as usual... and then called scotty and cried to him for an hour...oh the drama... its just hard to care about someone to that extent... and then not give a DAMN SHIT about you! and i run into this SO MANY TIMES! i care about someone so fricken much, and everyone seems to be numb to that... they dont care at all! no one does! it PISSES ME OFF!
Posted at 11:59 am by Jen
Friday, December 24, 2004
More things ive learned...
I told you there would be more things ive learned coming, so here are some more.....
1. Boyfriends are fun until you get dumped
2. Lies never get you what you want in the long run
3. You shouldnt leave gum in your pockets when you wash them
4. Stick to the plan no matter what
5. Dont jump the gun
6. Wait your turn
7. DO NOT unzip the zipper on squishy pillows...
8. Dont use someone elses christmas present
9. always call your friends on their birthday
10. Being polite isnt always best
11. Sharing your feelings isnt always best
12. Gay guys are SO MUCH fun to hang out with
13. No one will ever really care
14. Dont ask
15. Shoes dont always keep your feet from getting wet
Posted at 12:39 am by Jen
Yeah so anyways... it turns out that there really was bad stuff on the little mermaid box.... Scary! i heard the saddest story in the world today... kristie had the saddest birthday ever i think... :( christmas eve is tomorrow! crazy, christmas wasnt supposed to come this fast! whoa mama sita!
I definately zoned out the other night and was talkin to alicia, definately referred to her in the third person as though she wasnt there...
Im SOOO bummed about new years, i want to go out with ash and party like its 1999 but... im obligated to go to a lockin at church... :( i dunno, guess it will keep me outta trouble, but still kinda sucks.....
I really dont like christmas, its a bad holiday for me... no friends... blah....so predictable presents.... working christmas eve and the day after christmas....yucky food that you are obligated to eat.... no more believing in santa....here's a fun little song for you though ..... i dont know the whole thing, when i get the lyrics ill post it all...
What in the world am i gonna do with a fruitcake?
Its filled with lots of icky stuff that i would never eat
What in the world am i gonna do with a fruitcake?
Why did that fruitcake send this to me??
Posted at 12:29 am by Jen
Monday, December 13, 2004
Ooo lala... last night was SPECTACULAR! i went to our christmas party at work and hung out, and saw nicky for the first time in FOREVER.... and ashley bought me cute black pajamas with cherries on dem from hot topic! anyways it was really fun, and then me and ash and scotty went to walmart to hang out and were pressing all the buttons on the toys and making the learning toys say bad words.... but this one toy that made all the letter sounds, was programmed not to say stuff like that... so it would go "fuh uh hehe that tickles k" yeah... very interesting, and then ashley goes... thats a bad toy because it tickles sometimes when you do what that word means... we rolled... then they made scooby doo spell the word shit... very weird... then we looked movies because ash swore they had some bad stuff on the box of the little mermaid.... yeah... whatever... i still dont believe her... anyways iim going out with friends... so im out... ill post lata! holla!
Posted at 05:44 pm by Jen
Friday, December 10, 2004
friends are so CHEAP! Damn! its like... they care one minute and the next they couldnt give a flip about who you are or what you are feeling... thats so STUPID... if there is one thing i have always done, its loved my friends through everything, even when i felt like busting the teeth out of their face, i always forgive them... ALWAYS... i screw up and make mistakes like everyone else.... im only human... so forgive me for being such a screw up!
Posted at 02:20 am by Jen
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